Ecchymosis Eric

I see things online about how locker room talk isn’t appropriate for the workplace.  What if your workplace is an actual locker room? 

Example, the other night I overheard Cowboy Rudy saying that “it’s a shame because there’s a lot of good quality 40-year old pussy out there”.  I don’t know exactly what it is that Rudy thinks is a shame but I’m sure that he is right about whatever it is and its shamefulness. 

That same night Bruiser Benson was explaining to a new kid who looked like he weighed 140 pounds how the Bruiser always breaks his watchband when he gets in fights.  Which is ALL THE TIME because the Bruiser gets in all kinds of fights because he’s so rough and tough.  Just ask him. 

I wonder how many Bruisers there have been in wrestling.  Hundreds or thousands?  It’s a strange nickname to be so popular.  Can you imagine some big dude bragging about being badass saying “did you see that guy, I gave him a bruise!”  A bruiser sounds like what people who work in a grocery store call customers who squeeze the fruit too hard. 

Once the kid left Bruiser turned his eye on me.  I don’t know if he sensed my disdain for his bullshit or if he just decided to gawk at me because people do that sometimes.  Eventually he spoke.

“I seen you a coupla times, what’s your deal?  You always come in lookin’ like somebuddy beat ten kinds a crap out of, your old man knock you around?”

I lifted my chin at him “Nah Bruiser, it ain’t like that, I’m always getting into it out drinking just like you.  You know how it is, slamming beers, slamming weights, slamming broads, that’s how I live my life.  Some people can’t handle that shit and I have to sort ‘em out.”

He started at me for a minute and then burst out laughing so hard I thought his chair was going to collapse from the way he was bouncing up and down.  “I’m gonna start calling you Little Brusier!” he roared it like he was ordering a charge during the Civil War. 

He went around the rest of the night telling everyone how he was going to call me Little Bruiser. 

So I got that going for me.

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