AG Reviews

Cranmore Inn, Julesburg, Colorado

I stayed at the Cranmore Inn 1 night for work. 

I think a lot of people don’t understand motel star rankings.  The hotel industry should have chosen something else themselves.  It’s confusing since we use stars for quality ratings.  Hotel star rankings are for what kind of amenities are available. 

A 1-star hotel is not a bad hotel necessarily, the 1-star means it’s offering the bare necessities.  A 4-star hotel could still be shitty, 4-stars means that it’s supposed to have many amenities, lots of staff who are paid enough to care when you whine, a nice restaurant, enough pools and hot tubs that you can find one to fuck in, fitness centers, room service, parking lots where your car doesn’t get stolen, stuff like that.

You can have a 5-star hotel with a 1-star rating, like if you found webcams pointed at the bed, shower & toilet.  And you can have a 1-star hotel with a 5-star rating because there wasn’t a moose carcass in the bed and the counter person was very helpful.  Get it?

The Cranmore Inn is a 1-star in the first sense.  It’s not a motel, it’s a hunting lodge.  It’s just a place to stay, there’s no TV even.  It’s older but it’s well maintained and tidy.  The rooms and bathrooms are clean.  It’s a fine 3-star 1-star place. 

I’m going to give it 1 star though because the guy working the night I was there is a murderer.  He’s gone now though so it might be fine.

When I was checking in there was another woman who there who talked my ear off about her podcast.  She’s making a podcast about looking for a podcaster who went missing while he was doing a podcast about a guy that went missing.  With the number of podcasts happening this is going to start happening more and more.  Podcast inception.

When the host of a murder podcast gets murdered the entire system is going to collapse under it’s own weight.

I had no issues until around 11 PM I heard sounds of a struggle in the next room.  When I went out the door to that room was open and I could see the check-in dude and another guy wrestling with the podcast woman.  They had a hand over her mouth so she couldn’t scream but she was putting up a heck of a fight.  Hence the noise.

There was a rusty old pick-up backed up almost to the door of her room that had a blood-spattered tarp and a chainsaw in the back. 

After I stopped that but before the cops to showed up the counter guy said that six years ago a monster in the woods started telling him to kill people.  I went out and looked around for a couple hours in the woods behind the place but I didn’t see any monsters. 

Maybe 2 stars if you like looking for monsters.  It’s a big area, I didn’t check it all.

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