My wrestling name is 42561. My real name is River. Those are both stupid names. I was almost named Barda though so it could have been worse.
Some old timers have told me that the best character for making money is wrestling is your real personality turned up to 11. Why 11? Why not 10? Or 100? My character is that I was in prison so long that I forgot my name. That I learned to fight in the yard. I was in jail for 7 months once. I never saw a fight there in the yard or anywhere else. I didn’t forget my name. It’s River.
I was in jail because I hit my boyfriend with a shovel. His mom called the cops about it. I don’t know if he would have done that on his own. Everyone said that he must have been abusive towards me and that’s why I did it. He wasn’t. He wasn’t like that. I doubt he could abuse anyone.
I don’t know why I hit him. I was mad I guess. He was my boyfriend but we never did anything. I don’t really like boys. I was dating him because that’s what you’re supposed to do. Girls are supposed to like boys. Or failing that, other girls at least.
The only thing I really like is exercising. People I can’t understand. I can’t figure out what they’re going to do or what they’re going to say next, it stresses me out. I like exercise because you just have to do it. If I say I want to run 14 miles all I have to do is run 14 miles. There are no tricks to exercise like there are trying to talk to people. I never feel like I’m being made fun of when I’m exercising.
I stopped telling people that I like to exercise because it makes them think I’m weird. Makes them think I’m lying or bragging or criticizing them. When I would say that I like to exercise the person I was talking to would sometimes “correct” me and say that I meant that I liked sports, that I liked winning.
I don’t compete in anything. I like working out. I like eating right too. I like challenging myself. Some wrestlers get in and out of shape on the road. They say it’s too hard to eat healthy when you’re traveling. They’re lazy. You can do it. Whenever someone says that something is too hard they usually mean they’re lazy.
I like wrestling okay. I got into it because it’s one of the only jobs where you get paid to exercise. I did fitness competitions a few times but I don’t like them because they aren’t really about fitness, they’re about how you look. I never won. I could have beaten everyone else at those shows in any sport you picked. So how were they fitter than me?
I tried to be a personal trainer for a while but I didn’t like that either. If you can’t work out without someone telling you to do it then you don’t deserve to be in shape. That makes me sound like a bitch but I don’t judge people for not being in shape. I don’t care.
Anyway, I became a wrestler.
