A tale as old as time

I don’t know why I did it.  It just struck me in the moment as a thing to do.   

It ended the way all good sexual encounters did, with the truck stop manager busting in on us and telling us to GTFO or he was going to call the cops.  Merlin bowed up when the manager called me a lot lizard.   

“Does she look like a lot lizard?!” he shouted. 

“Only exactly” was his response. 

A comeback as devastating as it is accurate.  Well, I’m probably in a lot better shape than most lot lizards but I ain’t winning no beauty pageants.   

Merlin said he wasn’t giving me his files on what he’s dubbed Entity #714 because we had sex but of course that’s why he did.  I don’t think he was a virgin but he was closer to being one than not.  That wasn’t my intention but that was the outcome.  

Lock up your husbands ladies, here comes Amazing Grace. 

Before we got kicked out he asked me if it was “okay”.  I told him that since it was the first time I had sex consensually without money changing changes it was just fine.  Which is true but I didn’t have to say it.  It made him sad.   

I get annoyed sometimes by people looking down their nose at me for that stuff, I mean I’m the one it happened to, how the fuck do you think I feel about?  But I get where they’re coming from too.  It’s not cool to go around throwing trauma in people’s faces out of nowhere when you’re just hanging out. 

There’s a line from one of those dumb superhero movies people like to quote “The worst thing about mental illness is that people exact you to act like you’re fine”.  I see both sides.   

“What are you going to do?” he asked me as we stood outside Buc-ees, where we’re BANNED FOR LIFE. 

I was messing with the file link he sent me on my phone “Figure out a way to trap this thing or banish it.  First I need to figure out how to summon it, but then the other thing.” 


“I don’t know, that’s why I said that I need to figure it out.” 

He looked at me for a while “So this is what you do?” 

“I fucking try.” 

1 Comment

  1. I can’t attribute that no lot lizards image because it’s already been stolen a million times. Sorry whoever made it. A friend of a friend of mine who works for the Iowa DOT hired another friend of a friend of a friend to make some no lot lizards art but for some reason they didn’t keep it otherwise I would have used that. The feedback they kept getting from management was “the lizard needs to be sluttier”.

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