Amazing Grace – Does Love Forgive?

One day Addie and I had a couple of hours to kill before going to a show.  We were walking around town and we passed by Triple 8s.  On a whim I said we should grab something to eat there. 

That was a dumb idea.  I don’t know why I did that. Maybe I was trying to sabotage myself.

Addie told me that in some eastern cultures triple 888 stands for endless abundance.  I racistly thought that it seems like every number is lucky in some culture. 

I was already on edge because the owners came over and said that we could order anything we wanted and there would be no bill.  Addie reasonably asked what that was about and I lied to this face and said that they were big wrestling fans. 

I started spirally mentally about lying to him and how I could never have a relationship without either lying about who I really am or telling the truth which would ruin things even worse and maybe get me locked up in a mental ward. 

I really let myself have it in my head because I tell myself that I’m not a good lying but there I was lying to Addie like a pro. I had thoughts like, you’re great at lying to people who trust you the most and who you really like, you know like a sociopath.  I thought about saying we should just leave but that would have only made things weirder. 

I was already in a bad headspace and then Addie says “Have you ever heard of a comedian named Christie Lane?”

I was half a beat away from stabbing him in the eye with a fork.  In that half a beat my brain had decided at lightning speed that Addie had been working me from the start and he knew all about magic and he was a blood mage asshole and he never really liked me and it was all manipulation.  Why else would he be asking about Christie Lane?  Maybe he’s a bug I thought, maybe he’s going to bug out and try to kill me right now. 

Addie was rightfully startled by my reaction and edged back a little “Do you know him?” he asked in confusion. 

“Why are you asking me about Christie Lane?” I asked him in a tone that was not conducive to two people in a relationship having a calm conversation. 

He pointed to the little area by the cash register “His picture is on the wall.”

Addie’s company had worked with Christie Lane making a highlight reel for his website.  He called it a sizzle reel.  He thought the footage was funny and was going to ask if we should catch him at a show sometime.  He missed the news about him dying in a toilet while I drank a milkshake 17 feet away. 

He asked me why I was fucking freaking out, he said it nicer than that, those re my words.  I made up some lame bullshit about how I found his act offensive.  Addie apologized and admitted that some of his material is regressive in terms of women. 

So I lied to him and then he apologize to me, which made me feel worse.  Not only that but I started to get more in my head castigating myself for being so upset about Christie fucking Lane.  The man was a literal serial killer.  And I didn’t even do anything to him, he killed himself.  What was I so upset about?

In a move that I’m sure didn’t make everything even more weird and uncomfortable at all I asked Addie, hypothetically if there was a cop and he could stop any crime but to do it he had to drink blood to power up, morally would that be okay. 

“Are you talking about Forever Night?” he asked me.


He was talking about an old TV show with a vampire cop that he had binge watched.  I told him no and then we got bogged down in “well what about this scenario” which is why asking hypothetical questions is fucking pointless. 

After we ate I said that I wasn’t feeling it and I was going to call it a day, bringing our worst encounter to a merciful end.  He kept asking me if he did something wrong which only made me more mad and sad and weird.  But don’t worry, to made it up to him I continued being distant and closed off for a couple days after that. 

We got past it and that day was never mentioned again after that but it happened. 


    1. Apparently there’s a separate “account” for managing your site and vs. everything else, I had only changed one when I migrated sites. Yet you log into both at the same time?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. welp, by going to, you ARE hosted by wpdotcom. (ie, Automattic).
        That’s going to make your life simpler. It’s the main reason I’ve stuck with them instead of going out on my own with wpdotorg. Just a lot less hassle.

        Liked by 2 people

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