Lucky bastard

It’s been a long time since I’ve been hungover.  My cleansing spell doesn’t work on hangovers.  It pisses me off that Chuck does have a hangover banishing spell.  Fucking figures.  I bet he’d teach it to me if I asked. 

I’d rather die.

I had a dream last night that we summoned the creature but the binding spell didn’t work and it killed everyone but me.  The creature ripped them all limb from limb.  It left me alive so I could live with the fact that I got them killed.   In the dream I was very upset. 

I listened to a podcast that said the first thing you might need to do for mental health is to push past the desire to wallow in your failures.  For some people unpleasant memories are more distracting and tempting than seeking pleasure for its own sake.  I think I’m one of those people. 

I’ve ignored all the questions and comments about Stella.  I confess that I may have built our friendship up in my mind to be more than it really was.  We only knew each other for a short time.  Maybe that heightened things in my mind.   

I’ve never seen Titanic but I hear people make fun of it because it’s a love story about two people that only knew each other for a week.  I did love Stella.  Maybe I’ve tricked myself into loving an idea I have about her and I didn’t really know her.   

She was my first friend ever.  Maybe she’s still the only friend I’ve had.  I struggle with that.  Maybe I do have friends.  Maybe I just have magic work acquaintances.  Maybe I do have friends and I’m being an asshole by not calling them my friends.  I need to listen to more podcasts.   

That’s why I’m so “obsessed” with causing Stella’s death.  You know aside from the fact that I’m a human being you fuckers.  A lot of commenters act like if they accidentally killed someone they wouldn’t get upset by it.  If that’s true you’re the one that needs help.   

A woman lost her life.  A woman that was my friend.  That should stay with me.  It should.   

That dream shook me up because you never know with magic.  Maybe it was a dream.  Maybe it was a warning that I was about to get everyone killed.   

I did it anyway.  Which was an asshole move.  Not because of the dream but because I had no idea if it would work.  It was just an idea.  If you want you can give me some credit for telling them that I had no idea it would work, but not much because I don’t think they really understood the risk. 

I did work though.   

I figured that I could reverse Royale’s warding circle to trap the creature instead of keeping it out.  And I assumed that I could summon it like a shadow beast as Royale detailed in his notes, which was even more of a stretch.   

Kim-Kelly and GR added very little to the spell.  It was like they had one finger each on a piano that Chuck and I were moving.  They weren’t literally doing nothing but there weren’t doing much.  Without the power from the Jesus rock we would have failed.  And died probably.   

Without Chuck we would have failed too.  That should piss me off, but I’m glad he was able to help.  There’s something going on with that guy.  I can feel it.   

Sometimes I think that I just so happen to be in the right/wrong place when magic stuff happens.  I don’t like to think about it too much because it doesn’t make sense.  Nothing about magic makes sense, but that really doesn’t make sense. 

Chuck can cast a few low rent spells, but I think he’s got a lot of whatever that “being in the right place” thing is.  What I’m saying is that I think he’s a magically lucky mother fucker.  Fortune favors a fool I‘ve heard people say. 

I had all the pieces of the spell and he intuitively put them in the right places for me.   I don’t think he even knew he was doing it.  It’s like in a movie when the clumsy oaf hero knocks over a thing and it sets off a chain reaction of other stuff falling over and the bad guy gets conked on the head with a flagpole in the end.  Also a lady gets her clothes torn off in the chain because it’s a movie. 

You can’t not have a lady get her clothes torn off and expect to draw. 

We summoned the beast, trapped it in a circle I scrawled on the floor of the fleabag hotel after cutting up the carpet, then I banished it with the same spell I used on Eterno.  There was a temptation just to gawk at it.  Those eyes are really something.  Sometimes I’m smart enough not to blunder into a trap.  Not often, but sometimes.

Can’t Darla just summon it again?   Yeah, but there’s summoning and then there’s summoning brother.  Bringing the thing across, to Here, that takes a lot of power.  Bopping it around on this plane, no big deal, relatively speaking.  I sent the thing back to the astral world or wherever the fuck things come from.   

It’s going to take Darla time to get it back. 

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