Not okay

Baseball Star’s mom was only a little rude to me.  I bet by rich person standards she wasn’t rude at all.  I know that I only wanted to slam her head into the ground and gouge her eye out because I’m mad at other things.  Not because of that level of rudeness.  Knowing that didn’t make me want to want to do it any less. 

I told her that I needed to talk to her son about his girlfriend and she immediately shot back with “he doesn’t have a girlfriend” with a tone.  You know the tone.  The one that says you’re an idiot and I hate you. 

I probably should have come up with something better than “Look lady, I’m the one who saved your date rapist asshole boy from blood magic Dolly Parton in the first place so let me talk to him.”  I lost my temper.

Then she said he was at baseball practice.  I told her that I knew very well that he was in his room jerking it.   And based on what he was watching she should be glad she’s his birth mom and not his step-mom.

A lawn guy heard the common and came over to give me a hard look.  He asked baseball mom if everything was okay.  I understand he’s just trying to protect his meal ticket but I kind of hated him too.  It drives me insane when poor people stand up for rich people. 

We were at the point where she was deciding if she should call the cops and I was deciding if I wanted to push past her when the man-boy himself came down the stairs with a semi-automatic in his hand.  Because Texas. 

“Remember me superstar?  We need to chat about your slam piece.”

Baseball Mom may not be the friendliest around but she makes a mean sandwich.  I no cook but think it was goat shoulder cooked in duck fat with beans and a jalapeno sauce.  Whatever it was it was delicious.  She just had that stuff around and whipped that up for us on the spot.  Amazing. 

The pool was almost as nice as the sandwich.  I wonder how rich you need to be before you have a pool where the deep end is deep enough to dive.  I don’t think I’ve owned a swim suit.  Do I even know how to swim?  I think I so but when would I have learned? 

For whatever it’s worth Baseball Boy seemed concerned about the fate of his girlfriend.  When he asked if she was okay I gave it to him straight. 

“No she’s not okay.  Your dad’s friends have her in a CIA black site trussed like a naked hog, she’s terrified.”

He claimed that after I pulled him out he hadn’t seen Darla the county music cult leader again.   But he did say that she has to be involved because when he was around she took her orders from a tattoo on a guy’s back.  Like most assholes he was only capable of telling a third of the truth first time out.

I threaten to break his pitching arm in 7 places and he admitted that he hooked up with a girl who had a massive tattoo of Yggdrasil, which he said is a magic Viking tree from an old religion.  He only nailed this chick because he must have been drugged or under Darla’s spell.  He took an oath to be faithful.  Plus she was ugly anyway.

After he put the wood to Viking tree girl, under magic duress of course, somehow her tattoo was on him.  It started moving around and doing “weird stuff”.  He got scared and ran to his girlfriend and then somehow it was on her. 

We were at two thirds truth at that point.  Which is usually all you can get from an asshole.  Normally I’d be happy with that.  But not this time.

When I dragged him towards the pool his mom slapped at me.  Like she was trying to swat a fly.  I wonder why she didn’t call the cops then.  She probably wasn’t thinking straight.  Parents can be strange.  Some of them love monsters.  Some of them are monsters.  Just people then I suppose.

Before I even started holding his head under water he admitted that he had sex with his girl on purpose to give her the tattoo.  Like it was a magic STD.  I asked him what Darla’s deal is, the origin of her cult and what its philosophy is, he said that he didn’t know.  He claimed that he was abused and drugged and his mind was all messed up by her magic at the time.

“When I dragged you out of there you were playing Xbox.”

“I was mad at my parents and Darla had good pills” he admitted “plus she sucked my cock whenever I wanted.”

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