Heal thyself

For the first time in a while I had to heal myself after a match.  Really heal myself, not just a spot here and there to deal with normal wrestling wear and tear. 

I was in a three-way match with One Tit Annie and Sadie the Graveyard Superstar and this dude in the crowd had been on our ass from the first bell about how women’s wrestling is crap.  Annie said that he’s from a “rival” promotion and he shows up all the time to fuck with them.

I decided to call an audible and we stopped the match and invited him into the ring.  This is not cool by the way, I was breaking many of the unwritten rules of wrestling. 

I was saved by everyone playing it smart instead of leaving me hanging and we ended up having a six-person tag match with the three us tagging up against Ripper Matsuko, that’s the guy who was yelling, and the Wendigo Bros, who came out to back him up.

The finish was the Bros turning on Ripper because he’s from a different promotion and therefore we hate him, leaving him to be beaten senseless by 1-Tit, Superstar and I.  The crowd dug it.

I took a buckle bomb from Ripper and I felt something pop in my mid back.  Did he do that on purpose because he really is a misogynist piece of shit or was it a legit accident.  You never know with these things.

The good news is that the venue where this happened, the Korean-American evangelical church “Glory Church of Jesus Christ” has plenty of room so I was able to lie on the floor for a couple hours magically healing after the match without bothering anyone.   

Wendigo Bro #1 came in to see how I was doing, which was nice of him.  At least I think that’s what he was doing.  He was communicating with me through Zetta Sex, who was translating from Japanese to Spanish to English.   There may have been some lost context.

When I finally felt good enough that got up to leave I saw that I had missed angry texts and voice mails from the Redacted City Council Skirts and Tie Club.  When I called back the number whichever one of them was on the other end started bitching me out.   

I cut him off and told him they didn’t have enough blackmail material on me for me to be on fucking retainer to deal with their bullshit.  I was just getting warmed up letting him have a piece of my mind when he cut me off. 

“Ten grand.” 

He said it like it was a threat, as if he was saying they were going to fine me ten grand, but that was actually his way of offering me money. I said that I wanted a thousand up front because they were jerks to me last time.  Not three minutes my phone chirped saying I had the funds.   

Is an 18-hour drive what a sore back needs?  For ten grand it is. 

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