Love & Plunder – 11

You’d be perfectly within your rights to assume that the people who took control of the helicarrier were working with the traitor, but you’d be wrong.  Three villains were simultaneously trying to steal the same asset because of course they were.  That’s actually how a lot of villain teams get started, two people in costumes with a couple of flunkies both show up to steal the same quantum gemerald and they morph into a new group before their sudden and inevitable betrayal of each other.   

AIM is kind of the Washington Generals of the supervillain community.  Okay, all supervillain teams are the Washington Generals, but AIM really takes it up the butt.  An AIM scientist decided that she had enough of that bullshit and put out her own shingle selling super-steroids to fund her pet project of cloning Steve Rogers.  Which she did with various degrees of success.  Word is she’s the one who set up the Monster Factory down in Mexico before the Young Allies and some JSOC guys blew it up, killing hundreds of people.  Heroes! 

The helicarrier was turning over personnel as well as taking on supplies and lady Monster Factory had gone to the effort to replace the oncoming crew with her own disguised minions.  They had already taken control of the helicarrier as part of her scheme when we came on board and started enacting my plan – using the security defenses to take out the last of the SHEILD defenders who were in the process of rallying to try and take the ship back from her.   

It Girl turned out to be a dude with a hologram projecting belt which explains why “she” couldn’t fight for shit and was a terrible honeypot, although you have to give the dude credit for going through with that part at all.  Belt-Man was working as a stalking horse for Nightbird although what his goal was is remains unclear.  If he also wanted to steal the helicarrier why did he tip off the Choppers about the warehouse heist?  The only thing that makes sense is that Nightbird was working with Monster Factory lady and then she betrayed him in mid-plan.  Which happens.     

And these dolts wonder why they can never get ahead.  Did none of these people watch Transformers as kids?  Starscream much?   

And here’s the really moronic part, Jammer wasn’t in on the scam with Not It Girl.  Belty McBeltface brought in Jammer under the guise of the real It Girl who Jammer actually is friends with and therefore couldn’t let him in on the grift that he was really a dumpy dude with a toupee.  Can you beat that?  Good thing I didn’t fry Jammer’s brain when “she” turned on us.  What other supervillain boss would be so level-headed?  I really am the best boss you could hope for in this game.   

Nightbird hacked away control of the helicarrier from Monster Factory lady and then Jammer helped me hack control away from him, only for control to be hacked away again by the two SHIELD agents that still hadn’t been killed by any of the three villain groups invading their flying weapons barge.   

Talk about a clusterfuck.   

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I think the ninja is called Snow Leopard.  Pretty sure her name is Snow something anyhow.  By the time she ran away I was glowing so much from healing her sword-slashes and ninja kicks I was worried I would melt through the hull and fall to my death.  She was gone before I was able to get out of my suit to fight her back.  I bet I could have landed a blow.  Being able to heal is a pretty big advantage in a fist and sword fight.  Good thing she didn’t have any ninja magic to block my chi and stop me from healing.   

Helen told me to leave Red Warrior in the brig but I felt bad for the guy and let him out.  No harm done because shortly after that she made him an offer to help me storm the bridge and said I should let him out anyway.  The plan had gone sideways four different ways and it was time to fall back on cracking skulls.  Helen’s plan was a great one, but if I’ve learned anything in the supervillain trade it’s these things never work out no matter how good your plan is, it always comes down to punching.   

Magnum Master, Red Warrior and I kicked some ass and took over the bridge.  The only person I recognized up there was Malligator (good guy) but there were a bunch of guys decked out in Nightbird armor in the mix too, and one SHIELD agent who was having a really bad day.   

Problem was nobody could take control of the computers for long and nobody had the manpower to control the bridge, engineering, and science lab, and all the other places someone could mess with the those computers.  Stalemate.  Helen was able to broker a deal with that crazy AIM lady who cloned Steve Rogers and then had a baby with it.  Turns out she was just there to steal the quinjets.  What even is a quinjet?  As far as I can tell it doesn’t have one jet engine, let alone five.   It’s basically a helicopter in the shape of a plane? 

Since we wanted the carrier and AIM lady wanted the planes everyone was happy.  Except the SHIELD guys who we killed.  And Nightbird who after being cut out of the deal planted bombs all over the place and  escaped like a poor sport.  Jammer and was able to keep them from going off with his machine powers until Helen disarmed them. 

Oh, and the guy impersonating It Girl probably wasn’t happy with how it turned out either since Helen threw him off the deck when I asked her what we should do with him.  He might still be alive.  Even though Helen took his super-belt before she “This is Sparta”ed him over the side, supervillains have a way of turning up not dead after long falls like that.   Snow Leopard, she just disappeared with ninja magic.   

I still don’t know who all was working for who and who was betrayed how many times.  That happens more often than I like in this game.  Doesn’t matter to me anyway, I don’t hold a grudge.  Point is that we did it.  The clone-humper and her people flew away with their super-planes leaving, Helen, MM, Jammer, Red Warrior and me on the bridge with our very own helicarrier.   

We didn’t blow them out of the sky as they left and that didn’t turn back to try and shoot us down either.  So there’s at least some honor among thieves.