Love & Plunder – 8

We got all the suits.  Since the wreckers had wrecked our primary vehicle we had to improvise and steal a vehicle on-site to move our acquisitions to the secondary vehicle which was not ideal.  I should have had a back-up plan in place for that.  Having that Extremis guy on the team turned out to be really useful, not just because he protected me from being shot to death, but also because he’s a good box mover.   

The bad news is that we lost Mean Machine.  We almost lost Magnum Master too, he wasn’t going to come back because he thought I was going to try and kill him for running away.  I can’t blame him for thinking that, supervillains by and large make terrible bosses.  I mentioned how much they love wasting their foot soldier’s lives, along those same lines they’re also really into murdering people that fail them.  Even though Magnum Master did the exact right thing I can see why his past experiences would tell him to avoid me. 

I contacted Jack and told him to tell Magnum Master for me that it was all cool and he should come back, but it still took some convincing to get him back on the team.  I had to coax him like a squirrel out of a tree.  He thought it was a set-up and I was trying to get him to show himself so I could kill him.  Once again, I can’t blame him for that, but it’s annoying how little professionalism there is in the world of professional supervillainy.  He did nothing wrong, he shouldn’t be programmed to think that means his life is in danger.  But I get it.   

I should have gotten rid of It Girl after her tragic performance, but she begged me to stay on the team.  Literally begged, like on her knees with hands clasped and everything.  It was pathetic.  I asked her what had happened and she confirmed my theory that she was running low on super-pills and she hadn’t taken any before the warehouse job because she didn’t think she would need them and he has none to spare.  I asked her what use she was without them and she claimed that she had enough stored up for the helicarrier heist.   

I still would have given her the boot if she hadn’t been able to provide me with a replacement for Monster Machine.  She called her friend Jammer and got him to join up.  Jammer is a powersuit guy but he actually does have powers too, machine powers.  He doesn’t just wear a suit, he can interface with it like he’s got a USB port in his skull.  Which he does not, I checked.  Just out of curiosity.   

That came in handy because Jammer was able to help me dummy up some footage of the Choppers being the ones to rip off the warehouse not us since my plan of getting in and our without leaving behind things like a trashed van and ancillary damage from a super-fight didn’t work out.   

The problem of who ratted out the robbery to the Choppers in the first place remained mystery.  Monster Machine would have to be pretty damn dedicated to get his ribcage smashed in as part of his cover so it probably wasn’t him.  It Girl was the most likely suspect since she did fuck all during the fight but it could have been anyone.   

The smart thing to do would have been to ditch everyone and get a new crew and start over.  It would have taken some time, but there was no rush.  The helicarrier wasn’t going anywhere.  But I didn’t start this job to be smart, I started it to see what would happen.  Having a traitor in the midst seemed like just the thing to liven up a boring old deal like ripping off SHIELD.   

The only other issue was that after he saved me Hank got kind of weird and clingy.  Seemed like he was always on my heels after that. 


I was impressed by how quick Helen was on her feet after the Choppers ran away.  I mean that figuratively, like quick thinking to change the plan, although she does literally have quick feet too.  I bet she’s a great dancer.  Like dancing dancing I mean, not like stripping. 

She had me scoop up Monster Machine while she hotwired a real facility van in the loading area.  We transferred all the loot to the new van and continue on with the plan.  I figured we were screwed and would have to scrub the whole thing but Helen said it was just a temporary setback.   

We dropped Monster Machine off with some underworld doctor and then later Helen brought in a new guy that can talk to machines.  They put some stuff online that showed the Choppers being the ones who broke into the warehouse and took the suits.  Genius.  Not only is Helen smart but it seems like she has all kinds of contacts. 

Helen had a safe house where we’d been doing all our planning and stuff, and that night after everyone else left we hooked up.  I’d like to say that we made love, or even that we had sex, but it was a hook up.  It wasn’t what I wanted.   

It’s weird to sit here and say that I hooked up with this very attractive woman who I was really into and that I was disappointed, but that’s the truth, I was.   Maybe I watch too many Hallmark movies but I wanted our firs time to be something special.  You know?  She didn’t say it, but the entire vibe was “hey thanks for saving my life, as a reward here’s some sex”.  It was hot, it just wasn’t romantic.   

God, I feel like every guy I’ve ever met would punch me for saying that.  Except for Andydroid, that dude was in touch with his feelings.   

Maybe it seems even more disappointing to me in retrospect because after that night things just went back to normal.  Nothing had changed for her.  It was like a one-night stand only we still saw each other every day.  I thought, okay maybe our first time together wasn’t a magical thing under the moon or whatever, but it’s something, it’s like a first step.  Nope.  Business as usual.   

I won’t lie, I was hurt by that a little.  I think that was a plot on the New Girl wasn’t it?  Jess and the guy with the stupid voice pine for each other for a season and then they have sex but it wasn’t really what either of them wanted and then they couldn’t “go back”?  Something like that.   

Or maybe I’m thinking of the Mindy Kaling Project.  Which I believe was some kind of hovercraft.  Badumbum.  That’s a Simpsons reference people! 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s