I do most of my drinking alone in my car or a motel room. Like a well-adjusted person. Huck and Larry have been trying to cheer me up. They pointed out a bar that has a fifty cent beer night. I’ll pop for that offer. What might cheer me up more is if they left me the fuck alone.
Some people assume that I don’t get hit on in bars. They’re wrong. There’s a reason the expression “anything that moves” exists.
Go to a horse farm when they’re tricking a stud and you’ll see they get the lucky fella going at it with a big rubber rump on some boards. It doesn’t look or smell or feel anything like a lady horse. Human men out there aren’t much different. Emergency services are called to rescue dudes with their dicks caught in mailboxes so often they have a code for it.
A line they try on me often is some variation of “hey, I don’t care you’re ugly baby, I’ll do you anyway”. The sad part is I bet at least half of them genuinely think they’re being nice when they say that. Maybe more than half.
Tonight’s contender looked like a 17-year old who got in with his brother’s ID. His “move” was to sit down next to me and talk about his pet painted lizard and how cool it was. I told him that was very nice but I wasn’t in the mood to chat so he should move along.
Like the movies teach him he didn’t give up. Instead of leaving he said that it looked like I was deep in thought about something. He asked what I was thinking about.
I told him I was wondering why the inspect spirits hadn’t already taken over everyone in the world. There’s a choke point because the first person to let them cross over has to be someone who could do magic in a more magic rich time in the cycle of magic, but after that these seems to be no limit. It takes time but patient zero can put a bug spirit in anyone.
I said to him, surely Christine Lane by himself wasn’t keeping a lid on this problem, doesn’t that mean that there must be more bughunters out there? How is this problem not already everywhere? And if there are others how do I find them?
His response “I don’t know much about insect spirits but I’d like to learn more about them. Can I get you a drink?”
I bet an insect possessed woman could walk into a bar fully bugged out and some dude would throw back a few shots and take a run at her beetlegina.
That “new words of the year” post on the OED blog is going to be really awkward when they have to explain “beetlegina.”
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