Coyote ugly? You wish buddy

I do most of my drinking alone in my car or a motel room.  Like a well-adjusted person.  Huck and Larry have been trying to cheer me up.  They pointed out a bar that has a fifty cent beer night.  I’ll pop for that offer.  What might cheer me up more is if they left me the fuck alone. 

Some people assume that I don’t get hit on in bars.  They’re wrong.  There’s a reason the expression “anything that moves” exists. 

Go to a horse farm when they’re tricking a stud and you’ll see they get the lucky fella going at it with a big rubber rump on some boards.  It doesn’t look or smell or feel anything like a lady horse.  Human men out there aren’t much different.  Emergency services are called to rescue dudes with their dicks caught in mailboxes so often they have a code for it.

A line they try on me often is some variation of “hey, I don’t care you’re ugly baby, I’ll do you anyway”.  The sad part is I bet at least half of them genuinely think they’re being nice when they say that.  Maybe more than half.

Tonight’s contender looked like a 17-year old who got in with his brother’s ID.  His “move” was to sit down next to me and talk about his pet painted lizard and how cool it was.  I told him that was very nice but I wasn’t in the mood to chat so he should move along.

Like the movies teach him he didn’t give up.  Instead of leaving he said that it looked like I was deep in thought about something.  He asked what I was thinking about. 

I told him I was wondering why the inspect spirits hadn’t already taken over everyone in the world.  There’s a choke point because the first person to let them cross over has to be someone who could do magic in a more magic rich time in the cycle of magic, but after that these seems to be no limit.  It takes time but patient zero can put a bug spirit in anyone. 

I said to him, surely Christine Lane by himself wasn’t keeping a lid on this problem, doesn’t that mean that there must be more bughunters out there?  How is this problem not already everywhere?  And if there are others how do I find them?

His response “I don’t know much about insect spirits but I’d like to learn more about them.  Can I get you a drink?”

I bet an insect possessed woman could walk into a bar fully bugged out and some dude would throw back a few shots and take a run at her beetlegina.

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