I was rehearsing what I would say to Huck and Larry to end our experiment in co-habitation when I walked into my hotel room.
They beat me to the punch. They waved me over to a giant brick laptop and showed me a video of a heavyset guy in jorts and a dumb comic book shirt in line at a taco place. He must have gotten tired of waiting because his arm split in half lengthwise and an insect claw came out to grab the woman in front of him as she picked up her tray.
They were more than a little disappointed when my first question was “Where did you get a laptop?”
They told me that they trade the night manager for it. Since they have nothing I hope they traded cleaning up some rooms for it rather than sex. Neither of those things seem worth a laptop to me though. Maybe they did have some meth squirreled away from a rainy day.
The woman in the flannel, Rosa, is in a mental ward and they won’t let me talk to her. It wasn’t like any of the other chuckleheads throwing shots on the bridge want to chat with me. Huck and Larry said that I could try my finding spell on Taco Jorts. They figured out that he and Rosa had visited the same hospital by social media stalking.
I knew things were going to get fucked when I heard the words “Pediatric Cancer Ward”.
I thanked them and then gave them a new unplanned speech. I told them I was about to do some dangerous shit and they didn’t want to be around for that. They both said they were in. I thought they didn’t really understand what they were getting into. I explained to them at length how fucked up these things get. People get hurt, people die.
I thought because they survived the bridge maybe they were underestimating the risk. They both told me that for the first time in a long time, maybe ever, they felt like they were doing something good. They said a bunch of shit about the universe and destiny and how they felt like they were meant to help me.
I told them there’s nothing like that. I told them that I didn’t need their help. But I didn’t tell them they couldn’t come. I wasn’t going to take that decision away from them. Maybe I’m taking advantage of them. I don’t know. They seem happy to help.
That won’t last.
That feeling when you realize you accidentally picked up a squad.
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