And now, the punchline

I heard a rich man in a nice suit say that no one is less sympathetic towards poor people than other poor people.  I guess he was right because I did not want to let Huck and Larry come with me.  Not one little bit.  I did because I didn’t want to feel like a bitch.  But I didn’t like it.   

After all the police reports and the cars being towed and this and that, freezing our asses off on that bridge for hours, I ended up at the Quality Inn.  Some people would say that name is a joke, but shabby is a quality.   

When I say that I ended up there, I mean that I went there because that’s where Randy and his crew were staying.  Stalking you might call it.  I was actually in the very next room from them.  I could hear Ruth over there flipping her wig because they’re supposed to be at the at the Destiny Funnybone tomorrow night in Syracuse, not to mention the Hah-Ha Hut in Rochester the next night, and the Buffalo Comedy Collective in Amherst.   

Not for nothing but I’m staring down the barrel of missing out on a cool $50 working Youngstown but you don’t see me freaking out about it do you? 

I continued my stalking and followed Randy and Robin to Pete’s Cayuga Bar where he ran into the men’s room as soon as he saw me come in.  I followed but he locked himself in a stall and all he would say is that he needed his pills and to talk to his shrink.  How can a shitty road comic afford a therapist? 

I resorted to sitting and drinking with Robin until she left to hook up with some dude.  Randy never did come back out of the bathroom.  I told her what I knew about the insect spirits and the thing where somehow and old stand-up comedian is their archenemy and how they’re highly motivated to accomplish their goal of human extinction.   

She was dressed normal but she was holding a martini glass so she made me feel poor as she said in her most judgmental tone “Uh-huh, and you’re the only person who can stop these monsters?” 

“I sure hope not” I said. 

“You know this sounds insane” she said taking a dainty sip of something blue. 

“You were there, you saw it” I made a plaintive pleading gesture that I didn’t like. 

“I don’t know what I saw” she claimed. 

She said that Randy was just worried because the next couple shows were crucial to something for them.  I told them I’d drive them to these crucial shows if they couldn’t figure anything else out, but I needed to talk to him.  When she asked me how I was going to do that I told them I’d just buy another car. 

“What are you rich?” she asked with a raised brow. 

I laughed so hard I almost pissed myself.  I guarantee you neither of them has ever said anything that funny on stage. 

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