I had a dream last night that I was at work. And by “at work” I mean that everyone from my company was going on some kind of cross-country death march. We were following the CEO who was riding a cross country bike. We were on foot of course. The cross country bike had a wicker picnic basket type thing on the back that had all our precious supplies for this long, long trek. It looked about big enough for two bags of chips and a bottle of water.
The problem was that the CEO wasn’t very good at riding the cross country bike. He almost fell over a lot and the head of marketing had to help steady him often like a parent teaching a kid to ride. At one point the CEO was meant to lead us across a large wide field of harmless wheat but instead he lost control of the bike and went careen downhill towards a deadly gorge. At the last second he managed to turn the handlebars enough to go flying onto a very narrow, but sturdy bridge, which spanned the gorge.
His momentum carried him halfway across the bridge and then he stopped and kind of fell over against the side of the bridge. The head of marketing yelled out “He did it everyone, we’re saved!” and everyone else clapped while the CEO was stuck on the bridge because he didn’t want to go forward but when he pedaled backwards nothing would happen.
Why wasn’t I clapping? Well I’m glad you asked because it wasn’t because I was being rebellious against corporate culture. I was otherwise engaged. As I stumbled through the field I came across a ground nest of Golden Eagle eggs that were being plundered by vultures.
Do Golden Eagles nest on the ground? I doubt it. Do they lay like fifteen eggs the size of softballs. Probably not. Are vultures egg-eaters? I’ve never heard of them doing that but it seems like they should be. But that’s what was going on in the dream.
So I wasn’t clapping for the CEO because I was chasing the vultures off by running at them and waving my hands like a dork. Also I was wondering why one of the parents wasn’t there to protect the eggs from vultures. Also, I felt bad because why was I siding with the eagles over the vultures? They’re both just animals. One isn’t better than the other. I dream justified it to myself based on the assumption that golden eagles are probably going extinct and I think vultures are doing fine.
A second later when I was wondering if the eagle parents were dead and if they were how would I know and if they were and I knew what I could do with the eggs a skunk jumped on my shoulder. I froze because I didn’t want to scare it and get skunk-sprayed from zero inches away right on the neck and head. But I also didn’t want a skunk on my shoulder because I assumed that the only reason a skunk would jump on a person is to escape flood waters, which were not present, or because it was insane because of disease.
I was trying to think of a way to get it off me before it bit me with a mouthful of animal insanity disease germs but also without scaring it into a stink attack when I woke up.
Can skunks jump? They can run pretty past. I’m sure that they are literally capable of jumping but I doubt they’re good at it. In college once I saw my cat jump from the floor into the top of the refrigerator. It wasn’t a clean landing, it was a jump and grab and scrabble-scrabble-scrabble with back claws on the freezer door but he made it is the point. I doubt a skunk can do anything like that.
I would be shocked if a non-dream skunk was capable of jump high enough to get onto my shoulder. I can’t imagine that a skunk could jump any distance or height that it couldn’t just climb anyway. Like I bet that a skunk crossing the street could jump up the curb but it wouldn’t because it would just walk. I’d be surprised if they could jump much more than that.
For the most part I don’t believe dreams mean anything, it’s just a bunch of stuff. But sometimes, such as when someone has the same dream all the time about being lost when they’re stressed out, dreams are related to something real.
It would be easy for a dream-person to see this dream as this – I think the CEO is a shitty leader and is taking us off a cliff and I’m trying to save something valuable while everyone else claps at shitty leadership. It’s especially easy to think that because that’s probably how a lot of people feel about their jobs. Their bosses are morons and they’re heroes who get no support.
But I don’t feel like that at all. I have no idea what the CEO does. I don’t really know what the job of CEO is. At my last job the CEO got fired because he was telling people to break the law. But it made the company a ton of money and it didn’t cost them anything to fire him. So does that make him a bad CEO or a good one? It makes him a bad person but that’s different.
Also I fully realize that nothing I do at work is important in any way. I do feel like I get no support but that’s just life. Everyone has their own unimportant shit to worry about. Well not everyone, a few people actual do important things. I wonder if they get help. Probably not.
This meeting is a real skunk on my shoulder. Something like that.
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