One good thing I can say about the Pro Wrestling Hustle – this is not the Japanese promotion with “talent” like Yingling the Erotic Terrorist but another company that thought it made sense to steal their name – show last night at El Maida Shrine, it’s that indy wrestling promotions finally seem to be moving beyond a reliance on hardcore matches. Instead of lifeless brawls backstage or in parking lots, Hustle offered up lifeless brawls in the ring and occasionally someone who could execute a leap frog. That’s progress.
There was one good match in the middle of the show, Super Guapa and Murcielago Demonio wrestled the Bay Brothers and did a bunch of cool flippy shit. Other than that, it was mostly filler. I’ve seen better matches at wrestling schools.
My major disappointment came in the main event. The reason I went to the show at all was because I wanted to see Legado Del Eterno against Alpha Uno & Joe Kinsey. I’ve wanted to see Eterno Corazon wrestle in person since I was a kid and saw him on Deportes. When Alpha Uno & Joe Kinsey came out and crushed two nobodies in sixty seconds, I was pissed because I thought that meant that Eterno wasn’t going to be on the show. Then the ring announcer came back out for the main event and I regained hope. It was quickly dashed. Legado Del Eterno came out but their opponents were two women called 42561 and Amazing Grace.
I hate intergender matches. People give me shit me about it but I just don’t like it. And I don’t have to like it. It looks like crap most of the time and even when it doesn’t, it still does because Tessa Blanchard cannot do anything to Brian Cage. That’s physics, it’s not a gender thing. And I don’t see how pretending that it’s possible for a tiny woman to beat up a giant man has anything to do with female empowerment. It’s stupid. Fight me.
42561 came out in a prison jumpsuit. She’s not black so I guess that’s something. A prisoner gimmick is dated and stale but at least it’s a white woman doing it, that’s progress. She looked kind of cool. The other woman Amazing Grace came out wearing a hockey mask which is even older and staler but it was about to get much worse. I guess she wears that mask because she’s supernatural like Jason in Friday the 13th.
At least I get to see Eterno wrestle right? Wrong. There was no match. Just a load of supernatural shit. Instead of a match, what I saw was a bunch of smoke and some lights and people floating and a demonic exorcism. It was well executed for what it was, I couldn’t see the wires that were holding the hockey mask girl up, and Eterno “sold” his exorcism well, flopping around and making weird noises. But it was still shit. I wanted to see a wrestling match, not a five-minute light show and an interpretive dance retelling of the Possession of Hannah Grace.
I bet the special effects for that exhibition (I won’t call it a match) cost more than everything else on the show put together. Why would you spend money on that instead of using that money to book some better talent? Instead of that performance art, you could have had six or seven decent matches. Maybe even some GOOD matches heaven forbid.
No one in the audience gave a shit about what was happening. Even though they had some obvious ringers in the crowd trying to get people to care. Forget caring, I don’t think anyone understood what was happening. Even if you wanted to do some supernatural angle like that, which you shouldn’t ever, you can’t just throw it out there like a turd. There needs to be some build-up. Since when is Eterno a demon? And what do these two women have to do with anything? Are they the female equivalent of the guys from Supernatural? How would I know it if they were?
Driving home from the show I started to think about how stupid supernatural stuff is becoming popular as a gimmick for women wrestlers. Rosemary was the Demon Assassin, Allie was possessed by a demon, Su Yung is a zombie or a ghost or something who turned Kimber Lee & Brandi Lauren into zombies or ghosts also, Alexa Bliss has psychic powers and gets her orders from a doll and can bring people back from the dead, McSweeny is a monster ballerina or something, Winter, Havok, Abadon, the list goes on and on.
I don’t mind a supernatural gimmick, I liked the Undertaker and Kane, and I loved all the Broken Matt Hardy stuff in Impact, but with these women it’s being used to disguise what they are – mediocre workers with no personality. I guess it’s better than having every women wrestler have the gimmick of “hot bitch” but I want to see matches, not shenanigans and bad special effects. What the Undertaker, Kane, and Matt Hardy have in common is that they were great wrestlers without all the bullshit. They got the supernatural stuff over because they were over, they didn’t try to get over because the supernatural stuff.
Of course there’s also Papa Shango making the Ultimate Warrior hurl, but that just proves that this isn’t about gender, it’s about ability. People are going to attack me in the comments for hating women and I know that, but they’re wrong. I just don’t want to see Mama Shangos in my main event matches. And that’s okay. I can have that opinion. Just because I don’t like something a woman is doing doesn’t make me a misogynist or an incel. People will still call me that because they don’t understand that you can (and should) criticize women without hating them but there’s nothing that I can do about that.