Big damn hero

One thing I do miss about being on the road is going to a different gym.  When you work out at the same place every day, people start to want to talk to you.  I think I’ve been to every gym in Phoenix trying to space it out.

I even went to a women’s only gym with a stupid pun name.  I think the idea is without dudes there, women can relax and not worry about getting raped.  I didn’t like it.  At a normal gym no one pays any attention to me.  No more than normal anyway.

At this place, several women were trying to surreptitiously stare at me.  One woman came up to tell me how “brave” I was for being there.  You know because I’m such a monster just being in public is a big deal.  The funny thing is in her mind she probably thought she was being a real mensch giving a compliment to the giant scarred freak. 

I wanted to grab her nose and twist it until I heard stuff breaking but I didn’t.  Because I am a good person.

Kinross and I had a meeting with the booker and the bossman about our tag team debut.  I wanted our team name to be the Violent Femmes but they said no.  I guess there’s an old band with that name.  We’re going to be called Killer Elite which I hate.  Isn’t there an old movie with that name?   

In a total reversal of what I was told before, now they want me to be “even meaner” on the mic.  The idea is that I’m the one who runs their mouth and then lets Kinross fight my battles for me.  They said it would be a great way for me to get heat by hiding behind “the old lady”.   

I liked the idea.  I didn’t like how they were emphasizing how I should go after my opponents in ways that generally aren’t okay.  I told them that I say some fucked up stuff about my opponents sometimes but I clear it with them first.  People generally don’t care what you say about them in the context of a match as long as you talk to them first.  They kind of brushed that aside.  

The meeting ended on a weird note, the bossman asked me to stay back after Kinross and Stew left and then asked me why I was “throwing up roadblocks” when the whole thing was my idea.  I almost said “what do you mean?” but I managed to hold that back.  I apologized and said that I was just nervous since my debut didn’t work out.

Driving home, I decided what had happened is that Kinross or Stew or both of them called PPW and said that I wanted to bring them in to work with me.  Which is fucked up.  Even more fucked up is if that’s what happened, PPW took their word without even asking me about it.  

I think if I’m going to have any chance of making this work I need to just forget about it, but I feel like I’m going to be building a castle in the sand.  It’s just a matter of time before it crumbles.

I’m think I’m fucked.  Again.