I’m no Milana Vayntrub. Clearly. Still, I get my share of gross comments. I’ve learned that it really doesn’t matter what you look like, if you’re a woman, some man is going to take time out of his day to make sure you know what you’re for – sex.
I think it’s a genetic thing that they have to do. I envision a businessman CEO running late for a meeting and he checks his watch and thinks “oh, I have just enough time to tell that woman waiting for the bus that I’d like to bounce my dick on her tits”. And then he does. And he feels better. I think it’s like taking a dump for them, it just has to happen.
Since I’m not working right now, I’ve been concentrating on growing my pathetic social media presence. I saw a message asking for a picture of myself taking a shower. How would I even do that? How are you going to take a picture of yourself in the shower without ruining your phone? Think before you type kingkongdong_5.
So I won’t do that, but I could use some sex appeal to bring in the people. So I’ll write about my sexy shower time.
I like to drink when I’m in the shower. Not because I’m an alcoholic. Because I choose to. It’s the closest I’m going to get to a spa day. I don’t understand why it’s okay for a rich lady with a gold necklace of her name to take a bubble bath with a glass of wine but if I have a beer in the shower I’m some kind of scumbag.
Point that finger of judgement back at yourself.
I put a six pack on the back of the toilet, I don’t bring the whole thing in with me, that would be crass. I have my waterproof Bluetooth speaker on the shower caddy and I have myself a time. There’s no other room in your house where you can be naked and have a drink. I don’t know why.
I hit shuffle, have a cold beer with the warm water coming down, it’s refreshing. A Bones UK song comes on, I guzzle that beer and dance my problems away. Al Green comes on next? Downshift. Time to think about life.
I like to throw my arm up on the tile, head down, and let the water roll over me pretending that I’m the star point guard that just lost the big game. But kinda on purpose because I don’t know how to tell dad that I just want to be in the drama club.
Sexy.
