They’re taking me off TV for a while so they can repackage me. They said it in a nicer way, but the gist of it is that my debut is sucking and they want to regroup. It wouldn’t surprise me if they kept me off TV and scrubbed the whole idea until my contract runs out. Since I can work other shows, it wouldn’t be the worst thing. I still get paid.
I’ve been doing a lot of hiking since I moved here. Being a city girl, I never really got out much in nature. The nature here is pretty weird and cool. I’ve driven through deserts but I’ve never really seen one before. Not really. It’s like being on Mars. Only you see a lizard or a scorpion sometimes. Which they don’t have on Mars.
I never felt any kind of connection to nature before, but hiking way up into the rocks and being the only person around for miles makes you feel something. I’ve started going out there and doing some very simple concentration exercises. Not magic exactly, it’s more like mediation. It’s the kind of focus and closed thought that you need to do magic. Like a runner getting in the blocks and practicing that first leap out.
I’ve been through this cycle before and I probably will again. Getting depressed and angry and renouncing magic only to realize that magic is not the problem. People are the problem. I’d like to come to terms with it because it seems very childish do keep doing this, but we’ll see I guess.
Magic is a truly wonderful thing. Hopefully I can keep that in mind better going forward.