The heat (not that terrible movie with Sandra Bullock)

Things aren’t going okay.   

When I trained with Doug the Disco Biscuit, he talked about how you need to perform when you’re on camera, but it wasn’t something I worried about because I never thought it would happen.  No one has said anything but when I watch my matches, I can tell I’m fucking up and not facing the right way.  It seems like it should be easy to work to the camera but it’s not.  Not for me anyway. 

The booker keeps telling me I need to change the way I work.  He says I need to be a heel that works on top.  That I can’t be a “chickenshit heel” when I’m bigger than everyone else.  I try, but my natural inclination is to get my ass kicked.  It’s a hard habit to break.   

Plus he went ballistic because I swore in one my promos.  And I never fucking swear in my promos. 

Never.  A lot of guys out there are terrified of being on TV because they can’t cut a promo without swearing but I’ve always been careful about that.  Until now.  It just slipped out.  I guess that’s stress.  He was convinced that the FCC was going to fine us.  I doubt the FCC is watching  I’m not sure anyone is. 

I also keep getting told that my promos are “too mean”.  I was called into the boss’s office to talk about it.  Right after I cut a promo on his daughter.  He told me “that indy crap doesn’t work in the big leagues, kid”.  Which annoyed me.  “That indy crap” is why you fucking hired me.  Why did you bring me in if you didn’t want me to do what I do?  And this sure as shit isn’t the big leagues.  And I’m not your kid, pal.   

When the 7 months is up, I doubt they’re going to offer me a new contract at this rate.  I kind of hope they don’t.  Because if they do, I feel like I might turn down good money and steady work because I don’t like this.  Which would be a very stupid thing to do.   

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