Evan came bursting into Kim’s apartment (I still can’t call it my apartment) pitching a fit because a promoter friend of his dad’s had called. This guy had a show set up and some other promoter had hired away half of the guys he had booked. Why? A pissant rivalry between two promotions no one’s ever heard of it. It happens more than you think. People fight the most viciously when the stakes are lowest.
I asked Evan why he was coming to me with this information. He said that his dad was in NY. He went on and on about how this friend of his dad’s had saved Kim’s ass many times and how close they were and so on. He was really getting hysterical. Once again I asked him what this had to do with me, and he said I was the only other person he knew that ran shows.
Laughable. I ran a show in the way a kid helps their dad mow the lawn with one of those toys that shoots out bubbles. Kim did all the work. But I’m a team player, never let it be said otherwise. I told Evan if he wanted to help the guy out then we should go and fill in. I don’t know what else he expected me to say. He looked at me like I was crazy.
I told him that we had him, his cousin, me, and we could grab whoever else we needed to make up the numbers from the school. He said they weren’t ready. I told him anyone who could bump was ready to do something.
I called this bosom buddy of Kim’s and told him my idea. I don’t really notice the accents anymore but this guy sounded like a shitty comedian doing a bit of what a Georgian sounds like. All I could really make out was he said yes. I have issues with heavy accents.
The next day when we got to the venue he was nowhere to be found. Someone said he was too drunk to show up. Somehow everyone looked to me like I knew what I was doing. Evan and Frankie have both been around his business their whole lives, why didn’t they step up?
One of the guys who didn’t flake (probably because he wasn’t asked) called “Wild” Texas Red had been wrestling for more than 30 years. Are you telling me he couldn’t have taken the reins on this? My name’s on one show and suddenly I’m the expert?
I went out first and cut a heel promo on the home promotion and told the 208 people there that Wrestling Without Borders was here to show them what real wrestling was. It wasn’t a great promo but it got people riled up. Maybe Kim is right, maybe I am naturally hateable.
I sent one of the trainees out to get squashed by one of the GWA guys. Before he went out, he looked like he was going to puke and shit himself simultaneously. I kept telling him all he had to do was bump and sell.
The next match I went out with another one of the trainees, did another promo, and did manager shit at ringside. “My” guy couldn’t do much so it was a lot of me “managing”. Someone in the crowd grew sick of my shenanigans and grabbed my hair from behind. I very much wanted to punch him in the face 15 times. But I didn’t. Because I am a good person. But it was a good sign, the crowd was into it.
Despite my dastardly interference, WWB felt the sting of defeat again. I hopped in the ring to a mountain 208-person chorus of boos and said that if GWA even had any women on the roster, I could beat them easily. I honestly didn’t even know if they did.
They crowd went nuts for the woman that came out. I don’t know if she’s really over or if they just wanted someone to shut me up. I did the old bit where I made the referee check her for weapons and then refused to let him check me. I milked that for a long time. Too long maybe. But the crowd popped like mad when she finally dragged me into the ring and started kicking me around.
One intentional disqualification later and WWB was 0-3. So much for me and all my big talk. At intermission some of the GWA guys went out to sell merch, and on a whim I told the Valiant Brothers to go out there a cause a commotion. That’s probably against some rule of the biz, but it kept things stirred up.
Evan and Frankie both went over in their matches and then I came out to cut yet another promo until my opponent from earlier came to chase me away. The main event was a 10-man GWA versus WWB battle royal. I think any Battle Royal with less than 20 people is weak and cheesy but what else was I going to do?
The Battle Royal was actually kinda of okay. The GWA champion ended up last again the Valiants, and I did my best to pull him out of the ring too. But somehow against all odds, the hometown hero prevailed against the evil outsiders and cut a promo about how WWB and all Florida wrestlers suck. Bold words.
It wasn’t a great show, but no one asked for their money back. I realized afterwards that I had put myself in every segment like a real asshole. I didn’t mean to. Maybe I’m secretly one of those jerks who’s always putting themselves over.
