The Unboxing

I never heard of a hair splinter until I got one a few months ago.  I learned about it because I had one.  Now I’ve had four.  I feel like the same thing happened with hangnails.  I didn’t really know what it was until I got one.  Now I get them all the time. 

When you see a word and then notice it a bunch more this is called the frequency illusion.  Which is odd because it’s not really an illusion right?  I’ve decided that there’s something like this that applies to physical ailments as well.  If you don’t know what a heart attack is and then learn BAM you die of a heart attack.  It’s like when I learned what a curb stomp was and then it happened to me 15 times in a row.  I’ll call it the Woozle Wuzzle Effect. 

Some people think that spicy food causes funky dreams and nightmares.  I’ve be told that’s not true.  The theory is that eating spicy food messes up your sleep cycle which makes it easier to remember dreams – which are always funky and nightmarish.  I find this interesting because I had a week recently where I remembered a ton of dreams, which is unusual for me, and I felt like I was sleeping more soundly than usual. 

I’ve said several times that psychopath is a popular term that doesn’t actually mean anything in psychology.  I based this off one book I read.  Which is something I do often.  I read something in a book and then I act like it’s true even though I know most authors are full of shit.  According to THE INTERNET it’s kind of true.  No one is diagnosed as a psychopath, however someone that has antisocial personality disorder is referred to as a psychopath.  So it’s a distinction that probably doesn’t mean anything. 

On two separate occasions people have asked me to take tests for a “syndrome” with a name I can’t remember.  The gist of it is that you can’t recognize emotions.  I used to think those tests were stupid because as the person taking the test it’s obvious what they’re trying to find out and it’s easy to see what the “right” answer is.  But then I realized that the ability to understand the test is probably a good indication that you don’t have that disorder. 

I was going to make this post about how I finally broke down and recycled all the boxes in my back room.  And how I have made a solemn vow to not let them pile up like that again.  But I forgot all the witty insights I thought of about the boxes.  That was more than a week ago.  I should have written it then. 

I thought the term “level best” was a reference to an actual level – that thing with the little bubble in it.  Instead allegedly it’s a mining term, with level being another term for seam.  You’d do your “level best” meaning that you’d do as well as you could based on the level of the ore under the ground.  But as is often the case they’re not sure of the origin.  I find it interesting how often “they” don’t know where expressions came from.  That’s why I keep a log of all the expressions I make up so future generations will know if any of them catch on. 

The other day I said something looked like a soggy peacock and people accepted it.  I think that one might go. 

I’m re-reading John Dies At the End.  I know I saw the movie and was mildly disappointed but honestly I remember nothing about it.  It was made for 1 million dollars.  That’s probably why I don’t remember.  Making that movie anything like the book would have cost some serious turtles.  If I was going to make that movie for 1 million dollars I think what I would do is have most of it be Dave and Paul Giamatti (he was in that movie) in the diner telling the story with just a couple of scenes of the “real” action.  But it seems unlikely that I’ll ever be doing that. 

The other day I overheard two adult men getting super angry at each other about music.  That’s one of the more juvenile behaviors to me.  I like music but I was never super into it.  But I remember being young and people going berserk because someone else liked music that they didn’t like.  I went to a play once that was about two dudes in a record store screaming at each other about the music they liked.  I don’t know if it was good but it totally spoke to me – those words seemed like they were coming out of the mouths of people I knew as a young person.  Some people take music very personally. 

I remember when I was 11 once a friend’s mom asked me what kind of music I liked and I said I didn’t really listen to music.  You know, because I was fucking 11.  Her response was to maddog me and say “Oh, you’re one of THOSE” and then the kid stopped being my friend.  Good job lady.  You protected your son from my horrible non-musical friendship. 

Remember Dido?  I dodo. 


  1. I’m curious if you would have responded “I mostly like the jingles in commercials.” if she would have imploded and swallowed the universe into the abyss. As an old dude, I appreciate music, as an eleven year old, I liked Beach Boys and Tim Burton scores.

    It’s hard to tell if my tastes have evolved any I guess after stating this.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s