Leave a candle in the window

It’s been a strange few weeks.  I’ve never stayed anywhere this long before.  Kim has an apartment that he keeps even though he has a house.  He’s letting me staying there.  I guess I live in Tallahassee now?  He’s odd.  It always throws me when someone is into their ethnicity.  He talks a lot about being Italian and how that’s why he’s saying or doing something.  Maybe it doesn’t make sense to me because I don’t know what I am.   

In addition to talking a lot about being Italian, he just talks a lot.  He seems more like a character from a movie than a real person.  There are a lot of people in the biz that like the sound of their own voice, but this guy never stops.  We’ll have an hour long “conversation” and then I’ll realize that I never said a word.   

I was worried about working at the school but I kind of like it.  There are only a couple guys there that are serious about training.  I help out with them but mostly they work with Kim’s nephew, Evan.  Every few days someone new shows up and pays $1500 and then quits after a couple hours when I run with them and then do some squats.  Most of them never even make it in the ring.  It’s crazy to me that they’d waste money like that. 

Bonus, I’m getting in the best shape I’ve been in chasing them off.   I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m not at the school, so I hang out there a lot.  Either I work with Evan or just by myself.  I almost feel bad for getting paid.  But I don’t get paid much, so I can live with it.  Evan told me I need to learn how to relax.   

That’s true, but how do I go about it?  Whenever I get back to the apartment, I drink a couple tall boys and then just stand around.  I used to listen to a lot of audio books and podcasts while I was driving but I don’t like it when I’m just sitting there doing nothing.  I used to watch shows on my phone, but now that I have access to TV I don’t want to.  Everything feels off.   

I should be practicing my magic, but for the first time ever I’m worried about getting found out.  I’m paranoid about Kim or Even walking in on me and thinking I’m crazy.  My shield has always been that no one will think I can really do magic, they’ll just think I’m nuts.  But I don’t want these people to think I’m nuts.   

I’ve never cared about anyone’s opinion before.  I need a new strategy maybe.  

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