I asked my new best friend Elvis to point me towards the consulate for the Coalition States. He didn’t know what I was talking about. Doesn’t every country have a place in every other country where you go after you get kidnapped? I tried to explain to him what an embassy was but I was hamstrung by the fact that I don’t really know what an embassy is. It’s where the ambassador lives right? That went nowhere but since I was still starving he took me to an open air noodle place. It was like a shelter in a park, only it was a restaurant. Elvis watched with mild disgust as I shoved noodles in my mouth.
“Why are you so scrawny if you eat like that?”
“Scrawny?! I’m perfectly proportioned!”
He shrugged slightly “I guess. Where does all the food go, that’s what I want to know.”
I looked around at the surrounding buildings “What I want to know is where the real food is around here. I would die for a cheeseburger right now. And some fries. And a Coke. And some cookies. And a hot dog. And some pizza. And some ice cream. I think those guys gave me a tapeworm or something.”
“What makes you think they did anything to you?”
“Well aside from the fact that I’m starving to death and I have a headache that would kill a gorilla, there’s this.” I twisted a fork around into a blob as easily as if it was a pipe cleaner.
He made a face “There’s no reason to ruin a good fork. Are you saying you couldn’t do that before?” I shook my head “Huh. I thought you were one of those American superwomen. If the Shadow Lords have figured out how to give people superpowers that’s not going to be good for anyone.”
“What are you talking about? What superwomen?”
He cocked his head slightly “I see in the news all the time about Americans flying around and blowing up bases and thwarting missile attacks. Stuff like that.”
I chewed for a moment “You mean those two guys in the military that are always overthrowing regimes in South America? And that Angel woman who just died? What does that have to do with me?”
“Nothing apparently. Supermen and women come from America and you have superpowers and are from America so I thought that’s what was happening.”
“You keep saying America like that’s a country. I’m from the Coalition, I was born in the States and moved to the Pecos Republic but . . .”
Elvis held his hands up “Don’t get bent out of shape at me, I’m pretty sure you don’t have a strong grasp on the geography of southeast Asia either.”
“Fair enough. Any thoughts on how I can get home?”
“Hmm, can’t you just fly?”
“How would I know if I could?”
He considered for a moment “Jump off a roof and see what happens?”
“Pass.”
“You’re going to need a plane ticket then sounds like. Which means you’re going to need money. I heard the Shadow Lords are looking for people like you. I don’t know how well they pay though. I think it’s more of an unpaid internship.”
“Hilarious. You want to loan me some of your funny purple money to get home? I’ll wire you the money back. Eventually. It may take a while, I’m kind of between jobs at the moment.”
He plucked at his dirty shirt “Do I look like I have any money to you?”
“No you don’t. So what is your deal? You just wander around picking fights with sex traffickers?”
He tilted his head “More or less yeah. I know I guy you can talk to. He’s in the CIA so he should be able to get you home somehow.”
“If he’s in the CIA how do you know about him?”
“I didn’t say he was good at his job.”
Rocket Cat 