Over the years I’ve come up with all kinds of ideas for comic books and TV shows and movies and video games and board games and hip hop music and novels and new kinds of medical instruments and types of cars and many other things. I’m probably the most creative person in the world history of the world. You may be thinking “But Jeremy what about da Vinci? He actually did stuff he didn’t just think about it.” First of all Da Vinci was an alien so that doesn’t count. Second of all making your ideas real is actually less creative when you think about it. Thirdly of allly the Da Vinci code sucked.
Most of the ideas disappear soon after I think of them. But one that’s been with me since college at least is an idea for a comic book trio. First we have a Skrull that got left behind after one of the many Skrull shenanigans on earth. He’s just got normal Skrull stuff going, aka shapeshifting, but he loves earth pop culture. All these years later I know that the alien who’s way into pop culture is a trope but that’s fine. Most of time he would take the form of Brad Pitt because why wouldn’t he?
Next up we have the daughter of Bullseye and mysterious Vietnamese mutant. I don’t know what Bullseye’s backstory is now but originally he discovered his power of uncanny targeting serving in Vietnam. I don’t know why I like Bullseye because he kind of a dumb character but I do. I think I just really liked his first storyline with Daredevil where he went insane because Daredevil was better than him and he never met anyone who was better than him so he just kept going after Daredevil knowing he was going to lose until he died (he got better).
It’s never been clear if Bullseye’s ability to throw shit is an actual power or if it’s a Hawkeye situation. Also I guess Boomerang is the same as Bullseyes only more lame. They should team up or fight or something. Anyway this daughter would inherit his maybe-power of super throwing accuracy and also be a mutant. What’s her mutant power you ask? Perfect balance and timing. Which is weak sauce but that’s kind of the point. There would be ALL KINDS of mystery about this character’s mom and WTF was going on there.
The final member of the trio would be the daughter of Sue Storm and Namor in one of the many, many, MANY alternate Marvel timelines where they got together. This gal would have the full Namor suite – flight, super-strength, super-toughness, water shit – plus all the force field generation and invisibility of Sue Storm.
“Jeremy this last person sounds way more powerful than the other two.” Exactly. The tension in the story would be based on these three being pals and wanting to work together but Namor-Storm lady is way out of the league of the other two. With street level shit suited for the other two she totally dominates they don’t end up doing much. But when the big shit happens, like the Rhino is on another rampage Skrull boy and Bullseye lady are overmatched and almost died all the time despite their pluck and determination.
This causes friction but it’s one of those deals where no one is really wrong and there’s really no solution. At some point Sue Namor would leave to join the Avengers or something but none of them would be happy being apart. Are Skrully and Bullseyearita jerks for holding their friend back even unintentionally? Is she wasting her potential by staying with them? Do super people have a right to be happy or should they use their powers to their best ability all the time?
There’s a movie called Megamind. I love it. In this movie the Superman expy Metro Man fakes his death because he’s tired of saving the world all the time and he doesn’t want to do it anymore. One time I was talking with my pal Dr. Skaven about this and I said that I thought Metro Man was being a real jerk by doing this. Dr. Skaven went the other way, he said that super people have the right to be happy as much as anyone else because we could all be doing more to make the world better. These are the kinds of conversations we have.
I guess I see his point. Expecting Superman to be Superman all the time is maybe unfair. After all I could sell all my shit and donate it to charity but I don’t.
Now let’s examine the Lyrics to the Beastie Boys song “The Move”
“It’s times like this when I just can’t stop”
This is pretty straight forward, when the Beasties are doing their thing you can’t stop obviously.
“Can’t wind your body without the body rock”
This is saying that we need to be wound up like toy robots or such and we can’t do it without sweet music.
“Got schemes schematics blue prints on file
You gotta have dreams to make it all worthwhile”
This is what I was talking about above about creativity and how great I am at it.
“So as I take my time and realign
I wonder what it is I hope to find”
This is some deep shit about the value of self-reflection
“I don’t mean to brag I don’t mean to boast
But I’m intercontinental when I eat french toast”
French toast was invented on this continent but you know how rappers are with their braggadocio. Everyone knows that Pat Patterson was the first intercontinental champion but people forget that Ken Patera was the second. He would later serve two years in prison for assaulting police officers who came to arrest him and Mr. Saito for throwing a boulder through the window of a McDonald’s.
“Adrock with the New Edition”
I always assumed this was about new music, but I see that New Edition is capitalized. Did Adrock have something to do with New Edition? I think they sample Cool It Now in this song so maybe that’s all this is about.
“Gettin on down for the year 2000”
Sure.
“A slight distraction can get you paid”
I have no clue what this means. Music is a distraction maybe? Perhaps someone once told the Beasties that music was interfering with their baby sitting business?
“And when it comes to that type shit I paved the way”
Damn straight
“BBoys to the early morn
BGirls be rockin on and on
BGirls to the break of dawn
BBoys be rockin on and on”
Damn straight again
“Dogs love me cause I’m crazy sniffable”
Gross
“I bet you never knew I got the ill peripheral
In your home I’m cloned I’m on your headphones”
The first part is a little obscure, but talking about the reach of music overall.
“I love it when you spazz out all alone”
Okay
“Cause I’m that fool that broke the key
I’m unlockable so don’t check me”
Hmm. This is like a breaking the mold thing? You can’t figure me out because I’m so unique? Something like that.
“Got weight on my shoulders and things on my mind
The sky is falling and I’m falling behind”
I know the feeling brother.
“So I synthesize sounds as I patch my brain”
Music helps with feelings of anxiety
“Insane mind games move quick like flames”
Yep
“So now I wonder how sometimes you never know
Who be rockin y’all in stereo in stereo in stereo in stereo”
I guess this is talking about how you never know what music you like until you listen to it? Sometimes you know.
“No time like the present to work shit out
That’s what I’m going on and on and on about”
True that
“Not fakin just makin beats in the dungeon
Keep that shit funky cause the odor is pungent
No shame in my game just par for the path
I try to hone my craft because at hands the task”
Keep it real ya’ll
“But I find I’m not playing with a full deck
I’m up to my neck like Toulouse Lautrec”
I always thought this lyric was ‘up to my neck like the dude in Star Trek’ and was a reference to Captain Pike. Brittle bone disease is called Toulouse Lautrec Syndrome. Is this about that? Or just the guy that had it? Maybe this is a reference to his painting “In Bed”? In a 2005 the painting, La Blanchisseuse, an early Lautrec painting of a young laundress, sold for 22 million dollars.
“All I wanna know is when is checkout time
So I could be in heaven with the rhythm rock rhyme
And when I’m with my man Shadi rock at the gates
We’ll be rockin rhythms over disco breaks”
Whoa, I never realized what this was about until I saw it in print. Death is just the beginning of another journey. More deep shit.
I don’ t get why Namor is always land-chasing that Sue anyway. There’s so many hawt dudes and ladies in Atlantis. I didn’t like Bullseye until season 3 of Netflix’s Daredevil. Man, that series is great. And finally, regarding both the Beastie Boys and Megamind, “Superman never made any money, saving the world from Solomon Grundy. Sometimes I despair, the world will never see anther man like him.”
He’s got the land fever