Werewolf Cop – Dawn of Justice

Last night T-Storm and I were hanging and ignoring the election and I was telling her about this $100 shampoo they’re going to make from moon dust and I says to her I says “I’ll buy it because I think there’s a five percent chance it will turn me into a werewolf”.

This lead to a conversations about how Seth Green was in Buffy. I had no idea. I’ve watched a few episodes of Buffy because everyone says its great (they were all terrible) and I never saw Seth Green. Apparently he was a werewolf and he Bruce Bannered it and learned to control his powers. But he was into the girl from How I Met Your Mother and she turned gay (which is now offensive) so he got mad and wolfed out and had to leave otherwise Buffy would kill him even though he wasn’t a vampire.

So she goes “why would you want to be a werewolf” and I says to her I says “Think of how much good you could do as a werewolf”. She was shocked to her very core that I would use my powers for good. Which is the reaction I deserve based on past behavior but come on – if I had superpowers I would help people.

The question is what would be the best use of werewolfism? Right off the bat I think about all the things police dogs do, which you could do better as a werewolf. So smelling things mostly. Bombs, drugs, people buried in earthquakes, that sort of thing. Also I don’t know if they do it IRL but on movies I see them using tracking dogs when a kid is missing. Plus you could diagnose diseases. Dogs can smell some diseases but they’re dogs so it’s useless – a werewolf diagnostician would be great. That’s a word right?

I wonder how that would work etiquette wise, if you’re walking down the street and smelling everyone’s diseases would it be rude to say “hey do you know you have herpes?” But the problem is if you rely on people coming to you the people that don’t know will never know. It’s a tricky area.

But what else could you do? Seems like you should be able to something with your invulnerability.

What I’d really like to be though is a werebear. Specifically a were polar bear. I’d move to Canada and do cold water rescues all the time. If you’re drowning/freezing to death in the Beaufort Sea and you see a polar bear jump out of a helicopter and swim your way that probably scares the shit out of you but it’s a small price to pay. Maybe a guy in the helicopter can be on a bullhorn telling them that everything is cool with the bear. Don’t be afraid of the bear.


  1. IRL I’ve lost all my Blissful Ignorance cards. I wish I could get them back. (I mean this metaphorically, not figuratively)

    I also am team werewolf over vampire, mostly because drinking blood, damn, that’s pretty rape-y dude. And worse yet, if they’re into it. Also you can still go out in the sun without sparkling. “This guys got a condom full of heroine in his colon.” is also a great ice breaker at parties and airports.

    Additionally, if I had powers, I feel like I’d be Dustin Hoffman from the movie Hero. I’d complain about everybody all the time, rescue people if the opportunity really ever happened, and let other people take credit for it. Something along the lines of ~~~ “Idiots almost getting killed, expecting me to save them. Well next time I won’t be around….awww damn I ruined these shoes.”


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