I’m Batman, I’m Awesome, I Got a Nine Pack


Check this shit out, that’s Kalisto!    The guy looks like that and he can work and what do they do with him?  Literally he gets thrown in the trash by Braun Strowman.  How does that fucking make sense?  I don’t know if he speaks English very well.  I think that holds you back in McMahonland.  It doesn’t make sense to me because even if someone is getting a push, generally you never get any promo time anyway so what difference does it make if you aren’t a strong English speaker?

All his Instagram and twitter posts, if he’s not wearing a mask either his face is blurred out or he’s got it covered up like this.  I wondered what luchadores who come to America do.  In some of the pictures his wife has a mask on too, and I don’t think she’s a wrestler.  I never thought about that before, but I guess you’d have to do something otherwise people who knew what your wife looked like would find you out.  I like to imagine that the mask is presented along with the engagement ring.

I should work on my promos.  A lot of people say that’s what they do as they drive around – go over promos in the car.  I’m just not good at talking.  Maybe I can find some videos that give me some tips on public speaking.  Or maybe I should just watch some old promos from the 70s and rip them off.  Who would know?  Who would care?

Some people have asked since I live in my car and live off fast food and other cheap garbage if I use magic to keep myself in shape.  I find that very offensive.  I may not have Kalisto abs, but I bust my ass to stay in shape.  There are gyms in every town and my spell with the piece of paper works just as well with them.  Yes, I am a member, here’s my membership card.  I’d like to remind you again that I am not a criminal.

Not only that, but I stop the car and run five or six miles all the time.  That’s free.  It’s hard to eat healthy on the road .  It’s really hard to eat healthy when you’re poor but I do the best that I can.  I’m not slamming down half a dozen Big Macs a day.  The idea that I am training like a fiend every day and you people would think that I am using magic to maintain fitness is insulting.  I work hard to stay in shape.

And also I use some magic.

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