Slaughterhouse 30

When I pulled up to the venue yesterday, I thought there had to be a mistake.  It looked like the kind of place you’d see in a horror movie where a serial killer would wash his mannequins.  I called the booker though and it was the right place.  I think he fucked up and booked the wrong building and just wouldn’t admit it.

It looked like an old factory to me but it turned out to be a slaughterhouse.  Correction, an abandoned slaughterhouse.  There was for sure a serial killer in there somewhere.  There were maybe sixty folding chairs set up in animal pens.  The stench was putrid.  If you guessed 0 for the guess-the-attendance game, you win.  Several other people booked on the show asked the man if we should even bother to go out there.  He insisted that if we wanted to get paid we had to work.  So I had a three minute match with someone whose name I don’t remember in front of literally no one and got paid thirty bucks.   

Turns out I was wrong about All Elite Pro Wrestling.  They want me to come back and do an angle with the guy that was reffing that match with the Irish boxing woman.  I guess they got a lot of fans asking about that fucked up match that wasn’t really a match. Maybe I’ll be part of a minor piece of wrestling lore – ‘did you see that match where the two chicks were fighting for real and then the referee choked one of them?’  They’re being smart and trying to make a little money off it.

My only concern is that it’s a set-up and the guy is going to try and hurt me.  As I understand it, Irish Terry is maybe is girlfriend.  I get the sense that it’s a situation where they’re not really together except in the referee guy’s mind.  No one I’ve talked to could tell me what the fuck she was doing.  Why was she trying to punch my lights out?

The promoter thought I was playing hardball and offered me 300 dollars.  I said I wanted half paid in advance and he agreed.  Just that 150 is more than I’ve ever gotten paid to wrestle.  So in a couple weeks I’m going to be working a wrestler called Gage XXX.  That has to be one of the all-time worst names I’ve heard.  But he’s going to be portraying Benny the referee.  Get your tickets now!

Natasha called me and so, assuming I don’t get killed in that match, shortly thereafter I’m going to be racking up an 0-2 MMA record when I fight a Russian judoka for 1500 dollars.  Assuming I don’t get killed in that real fight, things are looking up for me.

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