You’ll know when I knee you in the face

Last night I worked a match with “Irish” Terry McGinn.  I wasn’t sure until I got there if this was an intergender match.  It was not, this Terry is a woman.  I get flack sometimes for not having a boxing gimmick but she actually did.  Doesn’t seem like a good gimmick to me.  If you’re a boxer why aren’t you boxing?  A man Terry is really named Terrance.  But a woman Terry is actually named Terry?  That’s strange.  Same thing with Billie?

The match went fine for the first two seconds.  Then she started throwing real punches.  There are many reasons why she might do that.  Most likely is that she sucks and doesn’t know how to throw a working punch.  Or maybe she was shooting on me for some reason.  Or maybe she thought I was a boxer and that would make it okay.  Or maybe someone put her up to it.  Or maybe she’s a fucking moron who thinks wrestling is real.  Her motivations remain a mystery.

In his book Mick Foley says that the reason Terry Funk, a man Terry, has such good looking punches is because he just punches you for real.  That can’t be true.  That’s too much punching.  You can’t bare knuckle punch people in the face all the time without fucking them up.  Then again this was a man who was doing backflips off ladders when he was in his 60s so who knows.

I got hold of her around the head in a front facelock of sorts and asked her what the fuck she was doing.  She said nothing and started throwing punches again.  I don’t like getting punched for real.  I have a thing about that.  I gave her a shot to the liver that would have made “Irish” Mickey Ward proud.  Her legs went out instantly and she crumbled against me.  I shoved her off of me with my knee, it wasn’t a knee strike, I was just pushing her off with me knee.  I did not knee her in the face.

Next thing I know the referee is grabbing me.  I thought he was just trying to move me back but then he had his arm around my neck.  I know when someone is squeezing me for real.  I grabbed his dick and squeezed back.  He squeezed harder and so did I.  We ended up falling out of the ring through the ropes awkwardly.  I may have kicked him pretty hard as we tumbled.  I for sure hit the back of my head on the floor really hard.

Next thing I remember I’m backstage and there’s a lot of people around yelling and shoving.  A tatted up dude that looked like Fenix only white and not wearing a mask, if that makes sense, was ready to fight people on my behalf.  I don’t remember ever seeing this guy before in my life.  Later he said we worked a show together.  I don’t recall that at all.  He said it in a weird way like we were in on something together.

I don’t think I’ll be working for All Elite Pro Wrestling again.  And no, I don’t mean AEW, there’s a PRO in there.