Dude where’s my uterus? – coming to theaters this Christmas!

I had a dream last night that Hulk Hogan sued me because I had been talking about how he was a terrible wrestler and a worse person.  Maybe I really should start slandering him all the time because I can’t imagine anything that would be better for my career than being sued by Hulk Hogan.  What’s he going to get from me?  My bucket of chestnuts?  But all of a sudden people would be like “Who’s this Amazing Grace person?”  There’s a word for trying to make yourself famous by attacking someone famous but I forget what it is.

I was listening to a podcast where a guy was real upset about one of the comic book movies because he said that they were saying that Black Widow was saying that her life was meaningless because the Russians ripped out her ovaries so she could be a better assassin.  You might think that ovaries wouldn’t have much to do with being a good assassin but just look at what happened to the Bride in Kill Bill – if you’re an assassin, get those things out!  This guy’s wife has fertility issues so he was mad that Marvel was saying that if you can’t have babies you’re not a real woman. 

Fun fact, I don’t have a uterus.  I got stabbed through the abdomen when I was a kid and while they were in there doing surgery they took that out.  I assumed it was because they had to, but I’ve since been told that sometimes doctors just do that to poor people whenever they can so they can’t have more poor babies to clog up social services.  As a non-uterine American I can only say that when I watched some of that movie, I didn’t think the producers at Marvel Studios were trying to hurt my feelings.  I should pop them a tweet and check what they meant though.

I’ve been wondering how I could make some money with my finding spell.  There’s a website called rewardhero that I don’t understand.  I think the idea is that you buy an RFID tag to put on your shit and then if someone finds it they can use rewardhero to find out how to return it to you.   Then those people pay you?  Maybe?  There are only a thousand people registered to use it though so I doubt that’s a good way to make much money.  Or any money.

I see lost and found postings on craigslist sometimes but that’s mostly pets.  Sometimes I see people on social media saying they lost something, but I don’t know how I could track that for whatever city I’m in at the time.  I wonder if I could make any money setting up my own website offering to find stuff.  Probably not, because how would anyone know about it even if they lost something?  Again you have to already have a lot of followers for that to work. 

Maybe I should contact a psychic and offer to work with them – since I can actually find shit (sometimes) and they’re frauds probably.  And if they’re not frauds, bonus, they probably know magic and can teach me.

If you have any ideas let me know.