Creative has nothing for you

This is going to shock you but wrestling is a strange world.  Wrestlers are not real fighters but they’re pretending to be real fighters.  That gets confusing for some people.  This is not helped by the fact that there are some legit bad mother fuckers in the world of wrestling.  If you’re around the biz long enough you’re going to see some fights, real fights, between people that maybe forget that they aren’t really tough.

I’ve heard that when an actor trains to be in a movie about boxing they start to think they’re really bad men and really could be pro boxers.  I think some of the same thing happens in wrestling – you’re pretending to be a badass and you forget that you aren’t.  Which is funny because playing make believe in your underpanties as a job is about as non-badass as it gets. 

Two things happened at the show I worked last night.  One was that I heard two other women discussing the pros and cons of wearing a thong under their ring gear.  I found it to be utterly fascinating.  I wear dance shorts under my trunks – 8 bucks on Amazon.  I looked at some thongs online and answer me this – why are they so expensive?  There’s literally 99% less fabric there.  They should basically be free.  Sometimes when I listen to women talking I wonder if we’re the same species. 

The other thing that happened is a fight.  A real one.  The story was muddled but I gather that someone slept with someone else’s wife and the guy whose wife was slept with didn’t like that that had happened.  There was some kind of scuffle backstage, possibly more than one, and then the two parties agreed to meet in the parking lot to fight after the show.  I didn’t know guys really did that – meet me outside – I thought that was something you only saw in old movies.

Another strange thing about wrestling is that you can end up working with someone that you legitimately hate.  Doing a job where you are literally putting your life in each other’s hands.  I’m surprised there aren’t “accidents” all the time.  Back in the day IRL Edge slept with Matt Hardy’s girlfriend.  At first WWE fired Hardy because he was being a whiny bitch about it, but then they brought him back and he worked a program with Edge based on the real thing that happened.  Can you imagine pretend fighting the guy who non-pretend fucked your girlfriend? 

After the show, word had gotten around and a bunch of fans were hanging around waiting for the showdown –I think there were more people in the parking lot to see the fight than there had been inside the venue for the show.  All I saw is a sucker punch, some rolling around on the ground, and then a bunch of other dudes pulling them apart.  There was more after that, but weird man-rules about who/how/what you do in a street fight were going on so I didn’t stick around.  Men have a lot of rules about when you can hit someone and I don’t try to understand them.  One rule that I know for sure that you’re not supposed to punch your girlfriend in public – you do that at home.

Once those two saw how many people were there with their phones ready to record the event, they should have turned it into an angle.  If they had worked it right that parking lot fight could have gotten them more attention than a hundred po-dunk little shows.  They missed a real opportunity there. Maybe I should be a creative consultant for other wrestlers.