I drove to Ogallala for a show and when I got to the venue today no one was there and the place was locked up. At first this didn’t bother me because I often get to shows way too early and there’s no one around yet. But after napping in the car for a few hours I woke up and there was still no one around so I started making some calls. Turns out the show had been cancelled and no one bothered to fucking tell me. This made me a tiny bit angry. I may have said some bad words and punched my steering wheel – which is unfair because it didn’t do anything.
With nothing else to do, I sat in my car and curated my vast social media empire. I saw that one of my matches was on Youtube and had been watched by more than 80 people. I’m on my way to stardom now! I know that I should be doing more to promote myself but it’s a chicken-egg scenario – how can you promote unless you already have a lot of followers? How do you get the followers in the first place? Maybe I should go down to the WWE PC and sneak into a social media class – yes they have social media class too. I wonder if they ever find the time to actually train in the ring.
After a while people started showing up the place so I went in to see what was going on. It was a craft fair. If you want a bunch of cheap garbage sold at expensive prices, this was a hell of a scene. I was still pissed about the show being cancelled so I got a six pack of beer from the gas station across the street and sat in my car drinking and calling around for more bookings. While I was doing that I got a DM from a guy who was offering me 100 bucks to come to his house and do Star Trek cosplay with him. He said he had a uniform that would fit me and everything. He was very clear that he knew my measurements and the outfit would fit me exactly. If I had been nearby I probably would have done it despite the high chance of being chopped up and stuffed in a deep freeze. I told him to give me forty up front and I’d do it but he was too savvy for that. But as I said before I’m not a criminal.
A hundred calls later and I had a half-hearted maybe for a show in Casper next month. That means I have just one show in Pine Bluff in the next two weeks. And since I didn’t get paid today that also means that I have 200 dollars that I need to stretch until the Pine Bluff show. I’ll need about 150 of that for gas to get to the show. Meaning that I have fifty bucks to live on for the next fourteen days. I’ve got a bucket of chestnuts that should hold me on food for a couple days. So let’s be optimistic and say that I only need to live on 5 dollars a day. Easy right?
How do soup kitchens work? Can anyone just show up? What about welfare? Or food stamps? Where do I find out about those? And no I can’t just “magic up” some food. I mean even Jesus couldn’t do that, he still needed some loaves and fishes to start with and he multiplied them. And he was the son of God maybe.
I mentioned before that finding out about magic made me wonder a lot of things about religion – chief among them, what if Jesus was a magician and all the stuff he did was not miraculous in the religious sense but “just” magic? That would mean that one of the most potent elements of human history and life was a scam. It’s really something to think about.
But it doesn’t put food on the table. I don’t have a table, but you know, it’s an expression.
