Seven is the number of ways and the number of the ways is seven.
Abandon All Hope
“As the existentialist philosopher Nietzsche wrote ‘hope in reality is the worst of all evils because it prolongs the torments of man’ so eschew hope before it eschews you. Also, wear his favorite perfume.”
Surrender to Your Own Deepest Fears
“Terror is the natural reaction of one’s soul to the emptiness it sees in its own reflection; let terror wash over you in a redemptive baptism. Also, sexy lingerie will put your man in the mood.”
Embrace the Hate
“Love and hate are the yin and yang of human existence: without one, the other is meaningless, like matter and antimatter. Try putting on some smooth jazz and lighting some candles.”
Obey the Serpent of Temptation
“Like Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, you can be both the progenitor and the destroyer of mankind: which will you choose? Also, why not scatter some rose petals on the bed or something?”
Deceive, Inveigle, and Obfuscate
“Lies are only deceitful when the truth has meaning; in my nihilist philosophy, neither truth nor falsity exist — only the emptiness of your own failures, and the promise of vengeance. Have you tried roleplaying? Apparently it works.”
Tread the Great Precipice Between Here and the Hereafter
“Come, my children, and journey with me into the vast unknown, where morality is a delusion and the only truth is falsity. A sensuous backrub is always nice too.”
1. Follow the Carrion Birds
“Birds are good at sex. Bees too.”
Rocket Cat 